DEMENTIA AND DENIAL

My dementia has I now realise been with me for almost twenty years. In the early years it was just a question of occasional short term memory loss and increasing difficulty remembering names and faces. As the the years crept on, the challenges grew slightly more, prompting visits to doctors and 'Alzheimer's tests, all of which were passed with flying colours. So time passed.
Eventually the problem became more pronounced and after rather frightening 'blank spots', where I had forgotten to do something, or even worse, done it and forgotten, dementia was finally diagnosed.
In due course, I became aware the dementia is only the symptom of something much worse, with a high probability of it being Alzheimer's disease.
This knowledge propelled me into action, searching the internet for information and looking for ways to fight the progression of the disease.
It was interesting that although there is a lot of information on the internet, the more significant knowledge is relatively recent, although sadly there is still no cure.
From my research and other things I realised that although Alzheimer's may well have been 'inherited' by me, health also played a role and so my life style changed. Out went the wine, whisky and brandy. Out went the cigars and in came healthy 'Mediterranean' style eating and exercise.
The results were very gratifying and in fact I am now in the best health that I have been for many, many years and every day it is a joy to be alive.
With my new found health I felt very positive and I began to think that my memory was improving.
It was some time before I accepted that this was not the case and that although one can slow down the advance of Alzheimer's, you cannot get back the damage that has already been done. The memory will not improve, nor the cognitive difficulties, but I was still convinced that I was getting no worse. I had stopped Alzheimer's.
Alas, one day my wife Julian had to point out to me some things that I had recently forgotten and the sad truth surfaced from my subconscious; my memory was very, very slowly still getting worse. I had certainly slowed down the deterioration, but the truth was that deterioration was still taking place.
Denial, is it seems, perfectly usual for Alzheimer's patients at my stage ; and also for the loving caregiver as well. The more positive minded we are, the stronger the denial.
Having now come to terms with the inevitability of my condition I am more at ease. The fight will go on against it for as long as my reason and determination allows, but my blessings are so many, that I can but enjoy my life to the fullest possible!

David Barnato.
Paarl. South Africa.
barnatod@blogspot.com