DEMENTIA. NEVER SAY 'REMEMBER'

Short term memory loss of a specific event, name or action is often total. In the early stages of dementia not all short term memory is lost and the problem will be intermittent and and begin with some loss of names and only gradually progress to forgetting having eaten an hour before, or the month of the year and so on. Sometimes caregivers will find it hard to believe that the patient can't remember something simple such as a recent meal and it is only human to say "Don't you remember?" However, to the patient just trying to remember can be almost painful. In my own case, when I am struggling to remember a lost word for example, it feels as if a steel band is around my head and whilst if I concentrate the offending word will often 'appear' in due course, it leaves a headache behind. In addition one feels  angry at oneself for not remembering.
So trying to remember something that a 'non dementia' person would do automatically, such as for example that you had eaten a meal an hour before is actually stressful. There is no  point the caregiver saying ;"Don't you remember   you ate an hour ago?" Or, "Don't you remember, you asked that question before?" Not only will the patient not remember, he will also feel like a fool for not remembering and will feel acute anxiety about the mental loss that is taking place. and possibly ashamed that he doesn't remember..
Dealing with memory loss can be very difficult for a caregiver. It is especially painful for a devoted partner if his loved one has forgotten who he or she is.
The only way to deal with this kind of situation is to get to know the loved one all over again.Although she is the same person inside, the part of her brain that deals with memory is disfunctional and so she will have to be 'won' again like a sweetheart.
The emotional problems faced by a loving caregiver are immense and call for not only love, but also the effort to aquire knowledge about the challenges of dementia and also courage, to know that you and your life partner may almost be starting all over again.. Sometimes intermittent memories will break through and such moments must be cherished.
In my own case, although I have had dementia for over ten years I am still only in stage one of the disease.Although I struggle with words and remembering names and faces I have not reached that stage of forgetting who Julian my wife is.Nor do I think that I will reach it because my fight with the 'enemy' has meant that he has had to fight for every fraction of an inch to steal the 'me'that he wants to steal.
Positive thinking really does help in fighting dementia and provided that your life style has been adapted to a healthy one and you exercise the mind as well as the body, you will be able to dramatically slow down the advance of Alzheimer's, or whatever other horrible disease is manifesting in dementia.
Personally I intend to live on, quite a way beyond my current 72 years and die of old age before the life extinguishing stage of Alzheimer's is reached. It is all about winning time.
David Barnato.
Paarl. South Africa.