ALZHEIMER'S OR DEMENTIA---WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO PUT MUM OR DAD INTO A HOME?

Of course every case of dementia or Alzheimer's is different. The first point, is that whatever is the right time the caregiver or family will feel guilt about it. Frankly, wives or husband's who are in a position to look after a sick partner and yet put the partner in a home in the early to middle stages of dementia should perhaps feel guilt. However, in many cases it will be impossible to look after an ailing partner or parent. This may be because the surviving partner just has to work to keep going and funds are just not available to employ a caregiver, or perhaps the surviving partner is ill themselves.There are many genuine reasons and one must be kind with oneself.
Where however a caregiver undertakes the huge responsibility of looking after a dementia patient they will themselves perhaps become exhausted and reach the point where they feel that they just cannot cope anymore. For this reason it is essential that plans are made from the very beginning for the caregiver to have breaks and support from other members of the family. If family support is not available then in most communities volunteers can be found, who after suitable instruction can enable the principal caregiver to have breaks, not just an hour here or there, but overnight breaks occasionally as well .Being a caregiver for a dementia patient is the hardest job on the planet and deserves all the support that can be given.
In my own particular case my dementia has been almost totally arrested, and so hopefully I will never reach the stage where caring for me at home becomes impossible. In fact my wife Julian has voluntarily sworn to me that she will never put me in a home.
However, if my dementia were to proceed and eventually enter the final stages of Alzheimer's, in my opinion a point will be reached for me, as for others, where the kindest option is to transfer the patient into a place where specialised medical care will be given. Such circumstances are if acute infections develop, symptoms of angina, or signs of increased depression or agitation. The caregiver must be on the alert for problems, especially if the patient can no longer communicate.
In addition, there is sometimes the question that the caregiver themselves can no longer cope for reasons of their own age and incapacity, or just sheer exhaustion.
If the reason for placing the patient in care is a genuine one, it is essential that the caregiver feels no guilt, especially if they have done their best over a long period of time. However, if possible the patient should be regularly visited and even he or she is in an apparent vegetative state, it should be remembered that in most cases the 'sleeping' person can still hear and memory of the pleasant past remain. In most cases they will still understand what is being said, especially if this is of a loving nature, or of pleasant memories long past.
So, if the time comes, share your decision between yourself and others involved and of course also God.
David Barnato.
Paarl, South Africa.
barnatod@blogspot.com