MEMORY, DEMENTIA AND TRICKS

At the weekend we met a lady of 90 at a family gathering. She was a very fit looking and mentally alert lady who was surrounded by family. Sadly she didn't recognize them and kept saying; "Who are you people? I want to go home."
The lady's two caregivers were present, both professional nurses as well as relatives. Julian and I instantly realised that the lady was suffering from Alzheimer's and yet both caregivers denied this and in their reaction to their patient's comments and questions  indicated quite clearly that they knew little about modern methods of dealing with Alzheimer's and dementia, or even an elderly person.
Since my own dementia was diagnosed we have learned a great deal about both dementia and Alzheimer's. We are both staggered by how little we knew and it is only following the revelations about symptoms and treatment that I have come to realise that my poor mum who died 25 years ago was suffering from Alzheimer's.
If my brothers and I had known then what is known now about dealing with an Alzheimer patient, how much better we could have handled things. If only we had known that when mum got angry and said nasty things it was her illness speaking and not her real sweet self. If only we had known that when she eventually went into a care home and asked repeatedly when she could come home we should have diverted her to happy memories of the past. This is because the 'truth' is not always the kindest answer to a dementia or Alzheimer's sufferer. In the case of 'wanting to go home' the patient often means a home of their childhood where they experienced love and safety. Or they may mean a home that they once lived happily in, such as the first home after marriage. So the answer to such a question is not to answer, but to divert. Similarly, if an elderly person says that they want to see their mother, the kindest thing is not to tell the truth that their mum has been dead for forty years, but rather to divert to happy memories and to different thoughts.
The advance of my own dementia is not so relentless and I often think that my memory and cognitive abilities are no worse. However, memory changes from day to day and so does thinking abilities. Some days are worse than others and so it is very difficult to measure ones progress. However, as in all things a man must consult his wife for the truthful reality. Julian advises tat although my memory damage is not getting any worse she sees a slight deterioration in understanding 'deep' discussions and in working out the answer to problems.
However, at the resent pace of deterioration I should last a good few years before getting significantly worse and so I must and do count my blessings.There is no doubt that with positive thinikng and a good lifestyle one can dramatically slow down the advance of dementia.

The weather is now very wintry here in Paarl and we have had heavy rain. We are all well and either barking, parrot chattering or talking in human speak.
David Barnato.
Paarl, South Africa.
barnatod@blogspot.com